Hall of Fame....Hall of F'ing Terrible

Today on Hall of Fame...Hall of F'ing Terrible we celebrate/denigrate two of America's greatest/worst natural resources: Vegas Porn Card Guys and Sean Hannity. Now some might ask, well JT, who is going in which Hall? My friend, if you have to ask that question you might be on more crack than that Boulder journalist chronicled in an earlier post.

Hall of Fame: What sound do you think of when you think of Las Vegas? The sonorous, computerized beeping of a slot machine that beckons eagar players to feed it dollars, quarters, nickels and yes, even pennies? How about the roar of the craps table? The cheer at the sports book after a walkon at Western Illinois decides to make a meaninless half-court shot at the buzzer to get within 28 of Duke, and cover the spread? The first thing that should come to your mind is clicking. If you close your eyes while you walk down Las Vegas Boulevard you are transported to a rustic farmhouse, you hear crickets chirping their melodious refrains. In Vegas, however, the crickets hand out baseball cards with hookers on them. Our Mexican friends line the streets clicking their cards in their hands (they are not allowed to talk) trying to get your attention so they can provide with the phone numbers and prices of girls waiting to pleasure you. (3 for $99?!!? That's a steal!!!) In a way the card-clickers are like the blue angels, you have to walk through a gauntlet of them, and you would swear that you are going to run into one of them, but they manage to get out of the way just in time to avoid contact. Next time you go to Vegas try collecting the cards, it's really fun to have the whole set in your bag, ask your wife clean out said bag and let hilarity ensue. I salute you porn card guys, you stand out in 120 degree heat handing out porn cards to anyone and everyone, including grandmas and married Asian tourists. You are now forever immortalized in the Hall of Fame.

Hall of F'ing Terrible: Now on to a far less happy topic. Sean Hannity is not a journalist, not a writer, not an expert on anything. He's a Prep School Boy who also happens to be a college dropout. When he worked at a radio station in Santa Barbara he said, "Anyone listening to this show that believes homosexuality is a normal lifestyle has been brainwashed. It's very dangerous (as opposed to a war) if we start accepting lower and lower forms of behavior as the normal." The station let him go, but he regained his job with the help of those leftist commie bastards at the ACLU. I myself am against all myopics who think their side is right on every issue, and Hannity certainly fits the bill. Perhaps the most disturbing thing about this man, besides the fact that he is kind of creepy looking, is that he was inspired to become a talk radio douche because of the Iran/Contra Affair and the media's unfair treatment of that statue of morality, Ollie North. Just a weird weird dude.

Come to think of it, I've only listened to Hannity a couple of mind-numbing times. I just can't take his drivel for extended periods, but he has provided me much joy via other people mocking him. The Colbert Report would not exist if not for people like Hannity. You know what Sean, you are lucky, for the first time in the long and storied tradition of the Hall of F'ing Terrible I am going to remove you from enshrinement. As long as people keep cracking on you and as long as that makes me laugh, and as long as you stay off the channels I watch, you can just chill outside the Hall, perhaps in our spacious botanical garden. Keep saying stupid stuff Sean, laughter makes the world go round.