Apparently there is a Big Soccer Tournament

There's an old saying in my neck of the woods, goes something like this: "Rugby is a beastly game played by gentlemen, soccer is a gentlemanly game played by beasts, and football is a beastly game played by beasts." I've been watching the World Cup and it makes me want to change the aforementioned statement to soccer is a boring game played by gigantic pussies. Everytime these guys get touched they go down in a heap like they just got shot. I understand trying to buy a call, it happens in the toughest of sports, even hockey. But other sports have at least a measure of pride. These soccer guys just go down, and nobody calls them out as little bitches.

The saddest thing about this whole Cupo de Mundo is that the flopping, diving and writhing is not the worst part. The worst part is the people who say to me, you don't understand the game, the beauty and passion, you just don't get it. I say to them, screw you guys, you must not have followed the most powerful team in the history of Lincoln YMCA soccer, the Bears. We were so tough that we didn't even have a midfielder, we called him the Monster Man. You know what, we didn't need STRETCHERS to get us off the field. These guys grimace and cry, some little Euro helpers come out with a stretcher, carry them off, and then they come back on the field a minute later, ridiculous.

So here is what I propose, if you get carried off on a stretcher you can't come back in. If you lie in the field for more than one minute you have to sit out for ten minutes. Now let's stop all this diving garbage and concentrate on what really matters, baseball season and the approacing specter of Husker football.