Well Ray Parker Jr. I have a ghost in my house. Yep, my water turns on without human hands. There are sounds of things falling down in the lower story when I am upstairs and upon inspection I can find nothing out of place. Laundry detergent, arranged with laserlike precision by the ol' lady, shifts in the space of two hours with no humans descending to the basement. Once we were both upstairs there was a sound that sounded kind of like if one of those swinging doors in the basement, the doors are kind of like cowboy saloon doors that kind of swing a couple times before closing. We went downstairs and found the doors open and nothing amiss.
And now the strangest piece of poltergeistery. I was setting down a stack of papers on a shelf in my tv room. Just before I set the papers down a small handheld game, 20 questions, turned on by itself on the shelf above. The game beeped away without being touched and without any of the buttons touching anything solid. That scared me. Then I leaned over to looked at the small digital screen and a message scrolled across, "I know what you're thinking."
So if anyone knows how to do a seance so we can see our paranormal friend, come on over and have a go. Maybe it's a really hot female ghost (3-way?) or it could be a demon spawn of Satan come to claim my soul for everlasting hell-fire. Well, either way it needs to let me get to my all important task of watching the Mclaughlin Group and eating cottage cheese.
BYE BYE
JT (Hopefully this site is back up. These are really dumb, but the one with Sam Jackson made me laugh for 4:30 minutes straight. Release date on "Snakes on a Plane" is September 2006.
What better way to start a new century of Awesomeinc posts than to discuss a little place I like to call Las Vegas (you may know it as Heaven). As you are all probably all aware, we are just a few short weeks away from an inevitably awesome trip to the greatest city on the planet. Seriously, the first four days of the NCAA tournament, free alcohol, blackjack, and THIS! (seriously, watch the video, it's awesome!). That's right people, that's the new ride at The Stratosphere called Insanity! (top photo) Now, I've rode the Big Shot before, but Insanity is simply out of control! I mean honestly, you are sitting in a chair hanging over the side of a frieking skyscraper!
I know I can't wait to get on that bad boy. Now if only it came with a way to watch some sweet first-round toruney action.....
Man, to think that it was just five short months ago that Awesome, Inc. began its slow, but inevitable takeover of the world. And here we are. The 100th post. Yes, we here at The Inc. have only just begun, but I thought it would be proper to celebrate our 100th post with a look back at our blog so far. With idea recaps like this, I could work as a television programmer.
Since the inception, we've gotten in a fight with a Creighton fan (Fuck you, Creighton) and it appears a new battle against the South could carry us strong into the next 100 posts (Fuck you too, slavery).
MP has covered everything from coffee shops to why college basketball kicks ass. BBL has brought some nice reports from various athletic events being as he is on vacation more than President Bush. I've touched on the best season, alligators, and other things that pretty much nobody gives a shit about, but I'll continue writing about anyway. NW (peach fuzz) gave a glimpse of muy excelente posting albeit just once. Let's go, NW! And JT, well, JT pretty much writes about everything and is 75% of our blog. That drop off due to school and work has been startling by the way.
It's only a small step from getting a free copy of Grounded for Life Season One and being a lottery ticket from 1st and O st.
South, we've had our differences, but lately things are getting out of hand. There are two things that have pissed me off recently. 1)Nascar and 2) Your Politics.
1) You know where I stand on Nascar. Jimmie Johnson (It's Jimmy you fools!) Does it make any sense that when people mess up in your sport, everyone gets excited? A bunch of cars wreck and that's a highlight? That's like cheering for a sideline warning in football, or a double dribble in hoops.
2) Your politics. I don't care that you are conservative, that's fine. I just can't understand how you can act all high and mighty like you have cornered the market on morality. I mean come on, THIS happened SIX YEARS AGO!!!! You've given us Timothy McVeigh, Eric Rudolph, and that creepy kid from Deliverance You even still have some irrational reverence for the Confederate Flag. You know what I don't see a lot of? Royals jersies from the last two years, you know why? Because they are terrible terrible losers.(Nothing personal guys) You guys not only got your asses kicked, but you were fighting for the worst cause ever. Not only was it treason to secede from the United States but you only did so to keep slavery, and don't give me that, "Slavery wasn't the only reason for the Civil War." And don't say "War Between the States," we won, we get to decide what things are called. So don't feel like you are better people than us here in the North. The U.S. is still recovering from all the crap you guys and your relatives pulled. Everyone in the South who isn't a redneck, holier-than-thou, moralist, Nascar fan, we're cool.
Well it's Dayoton 500 time again and that can only mean one thing, it's almost time for Spring Training games to start. Is there anything more dumb than having your biggest race at the very beginning of your "season?"
I know NASCAR has become popular in our country in the last few years. Hundreds of thousands attend races every week and millions watch on TV. This is proof of how stupid many people are. Seriously, this is your fan base!!! Three hours of turning left, pit stops and the occasional accident just don't do it for me. I've heard people say that the "sport" is fun to watch in person, well I don't believe you. I would rather watch soccer than this garbage.
I refuse to acknowledge NASCAR as a sport. Driving around in a circle is not a sport. Driving is not a sport. I don't care if they are going really fast. You know what else goes fast? The Earth's rotation, and that's fucking really boring to watch. So today I could watch the Daytona 500 or this soccer "friendly" between the US and Guatamala...or I could just kill myself.
Thanks for using all our gas and killing a lot of people via cigarettes, you suck.
Today we have 124 bits, Hi-def capabilities, live on line play and slim cd-style disks. Even with all that technology most games today can't touch Mike Tyson's Punch Out. The game was released in 1987 and is still totally awesome. The best part of the game was unquestionalby the characters.
If Hollywood had any brains (or balls) they would make a feature film about each of Little Mac's foes in Punch Out. Glass Joe, Piston Honda, Don Flemenco, Bald Bull, Piston Honda, Macho Man, King Hippo, Sandman, Soda Popinski, and of course, the nearly unbeatable Mike Tyson. I don't really have any new or interesting thoughts to add about this game, I just wanted to give it some kudos for kicking ass.
Where the hell do people curl at? This has to be the easiest Olympic sport to qualify for. The only curlers in the US live in Minnesota, Michigan and Northern New York. Where do they practice? Being from Nebraska I just don't understand these things.
However, I freaking love this game. It's a hell of a lot like my favorite bar game, shuffleboard, except with ice and brooms. It's also the only game where the competitors are mic'ed up. Then, there's the girls. The US team has some hotties on it and the Russians look pretty good too. Here is another major difference from barroom shuffleboard, NO HOT GIRLS PLAY SHUFFLEBOARD.
So let's do this US teams, you need to pick it up a little bit so I can watch more curling.
After receiving a lot of love for last fall's "On Campus" blog, where I recapped my trip to Northwestern's Evanston campus for the Iowa/NW football game, I've decided to do another installment of "On Campus". This time I drove up to Madison, Wisconsin for the much anticipated hockey game between #2 Wisconsin and #4 Minnesota. I had already experienced a Badger hockey game before, so I knew it was a great time, but this game had more meaning for me. Gopher star Ryan Potulny used to play in Lincoln for the junior team there and lived with Awesome Inc.'s JT's parents, so I know him a little bit and was looking forward to seeing him play in person. This was a solo trip, which is a very common occurance for me now that I've moved, but it was still a great time. I got to Madison around 5 pm and found a pretty good parking spot right on campus within walking distance of both State Street and the Kohl Center. I'd already experienced the greatness that is the UW campus on two prior trips to Madison, so I did not have to check it out on this trip. I headed straight for State Street looking for some grub. For those who've never been to Madison, State Street is the bar/restaurant area of town and connects the campus with the Wisconsin Capital building. It is one of the best setups for any college town with Austin's Sixth Street, Arizona State's Mill Street, and UCLA's entire Westwood area being a few other examples of great college areas. If you didn't know, Wisconsin loves its brats, so what better place to grab some dinner than State Street Brats. It's a very cool sports bar that was packed when I walked in. I managed to find a solo seat upstairs and ordered up a burger and brat. That is not two seperate orders, but a burger with a sliced brat on top! It was quite unusual, but very tasty. I highly recommend this place if you're in Madison and looking for a casual place to eat before a hockey, football, or basketball game. There were lots of Gopher fans in town, so that made it even more fun with their Minnesota chants going on all the time. I moved on to the Kohl Center as game time was approaching. I made sure to get my ticket in the section right next to the student section, so I could take in all their craziness. The arena is amazing and has to be one of the top college hockey facilities in the nation. The crowd was a bit late arriving, but I'm sure it was because they needed to down that last beer or eight before getting there. The game was a sellout, so lots of energy for the big matchup. Like the football game I went to last fall, the Badger students love their dancing and singing. Before the puck drops the whole student section looks like this:
Along with many renditions of "On Wisconsin" and other songs like "Time Warp" and the theme from "2001: A Space Odyssey", there is so much coordinated dancing that you can't help but have a good time at Badger hockey games. They also have a great celebration for when a power play is coming up for Wisconsin. They say "Power...Plaaaaay" twice and then just start jumping up and down. Take a look:
As for the game itself, the Gophers jumped out to a 5-1 lead after two periods, so the crowd was kind of out of it by then, but the Badgers stormed back with three goals in the first six minutes of the 3rd period to make things very interesting. The crowd was going crazy and it was a fun finish, but Minnesota was able to hang on 5-4. I didn't really know who to go for since I knew Ryan, but love the Badger atmosphere. This worked out pretty well b/c Ryan had a career high four assists and the game ended up close enough to keep the fans into it until the end, which is want I really wanted. All in all a great time! Would be nice to experience the Madison nightlife a bit more on another trip, but heading to the bars by myself didn't sound too appealing. Until next time....
"And Pierce got fouled (chuckle) please. Pierce got fouled please, he got knocked down, he got hit on the arm. PLEASE!!!"
After Paul Pierce hit Steve Fracis in the face during a shot: "That's a no call!"
"The weather wasn't good today! I'm going to talk to the chamber of commerce!"
By the way Magic, how can you still have pinstripes on your uniforms? Honestly it totally looks like crap. There's a reason that Houston got rid of them.
I've been thinking about doing something like this for a long time, but Bill Simmons has motivated me to make it happen. People like fellow Awesome Inc. writer BBL get annoyed when I bitch about NBA League Pass putting on the other team's announcers in any game in which the Celtics appear. Mike Gorman and Tommy Heinsohn are hands down the most entertaining announcers in the NBA. Mike is always on top of things and Tommy is capable of breaking off a crazy comment after starting with, "I tell ya what..." So why would you ever put, say, the Bucks announcers instead of Gorman and Heinsohn? I'm not sure, but to better celebrate the genius of Tommy Heinsohn I am going to take the Sports Guy's suggestion: "I can’t believe nobody has created a website that writes down all his quotes during games - how many times do we have to hear things like “You know who Orien Greene remind me of on that play? Oscar Robertson!” before that happens?
I watch ever C's game on League Pass anyway, so I'll do my best to keep track of Tommy's divinely inspired ramblings.
A few of my best Tommy memories:
1. Screaming at referee Dee Kantner after she made yet another terrible call. (Never let your owner design your uniforms Cavs) 2. That car commercial where Mike is calling a fictional game while Tommy busily types away at a computer trying to enter a car contest, he face at the end of the ad is both hilarious and hauntingly creepy.
There will surely be more to come and we will never forget them now that they will be documented on Awesome Inc.
JT(Was there any reason that Damon Wayans got shut of the Oscars for this film?)
PS If anyone could create a website that could erase from my brain everything that Pistons PA guy John Mason (AKA the devil incarnate) has ever said, I would gladly pay you.
BBL note - Here's the great Mason (yes he likes to go by one name) and his signature line "Deeee-troit Basketball!" Amazingly enough this is trademarked by either the Pistons or Mason on the Pistons website. Keep up the good work Mason. Don't let JT bring you down!
Stumbled across this website thanks to deadspin.com. Seems that this group of ladies discusses the off-field transgressions of all your favorite Major League Players. Apparently if you play baseball for a living and earn millions of dollars a year the ladies are fairly attracted to to you, even if you are husky like Sir Sidney Ponson. Now when you work in a University Library, bowling night is the highlight of your week and are married, it doesn't quite work like that.
So in honor of the On The DL website, here's my list of the guaranteed biggest pimps in Major League Baseball.
5. Julian Tavares: Simply a handsome man. 4. Bob Hamelin: The Hammer won Rookie of the Year. Wow. 3. Don Zimmer: Maybe the most lovable old man ever. 2. Oil Can Boyd This guy actually is a pimp. Get back to the Big Leagues Can!!!!!!!!!! 1. Otis Nixon: The former speed burner has retired, he is currently working at the Ancient Egypt division of the British Museum in Londan as a mummy.
Location: Lincoln and Prospect Heights, NE and IL, Nicaragua
An international company with offices in Lincoln, NE, Prospect Heights, IL, and Nicaragua. We strive to bring you the best in sports knowledge as well as some takes on pop culture and any other thoughts, stories, and/or musings that you may enjoy. While Awesome Inc. has been around for many years, this is the first major step in a multi-step process towards forming one of the most powerful companies known to man (sorta like Walmart, but without the lawsuits).
The game beeped away without being touched and without any of the buttons touching anything solid. That scared me. Then I leaned over to looked at the small digital screen and a message scrolled across, "I know what you're thinking." 
