Nicaragua is "N"

Nicaragua (AIP) - There are no ¨Super-Size¨ bags of chips in Nicaragua. Nowhere. Not one bag. I was thinking about this last Sunday when I was asked to help my neighbors learn about American football. A few sample questions... ¨Why are there so many players on the sidelines and why do they get to come back in? That doesn´t seem fair.¨ ¨Why do they get a second opportunity (down) if they fucked up the first?¨ and ¨They know that being fat is unhealthy for you, right?¨ I gave up on explaining Fantasy Football to them after the first hour.

But back on point. The largest bags of Doritos or any equivalent chip can only be found at the supermarkets, mainly located in just two cities in the country, Managua and Leon, and they´re eight cordobas. For reference, 17 cordobas is equal to one dollar. The bag is a little bigger than the bags I used to get at Subway. I think you can get them at gas stations in the states, and they´re called ¨Grab Bags.¨ The point here is that nobody buys a bag of chips thinking that they are either going to eat copius amounts of food in one sitting or that just maybe they will save some for tomorrow. The same goes for milk. The largest quantity of milk you can buy in Nicaragua, again excluding the two major cities, is 1 litre. Give a Nicaraguan a gallon of milk and they will start inviting the neighbors over to help them get rid of it.

Every Nicaragua neighborhood is littered with these little things called pulperias. They´re basiclly one-room Qwik-E-Marts in the front of peoples´ houses. They are usually very small and sell the smallest possible quantities of stuff people use all the time. If you´re sitting at any given house in Nicaragua, you can get up and walk one, maybe two, at the most three, doors down and buy a bag of ice for one cordoba. It´s enough to fit in one hand, so you can take it back and put some ice in everyone´s glass and then it is gone. If you want gum, again you go next door and buy one stick of gum for one cordoba. Gum isn´t sold in packs in Nicaragua. Want some toilet paper? You´re buying one roll. And again with the chips. They´re sold in single cordoba bags that amount to about five chips. In my town of about 25,000 people, I´d be willing to bet that 50% of all transactions of any kind are of the one cordoba variety. And probably 3/4 of all purchases amount to less than 5 cordobas. Imagine a 7/11 attendant having to attend to 17 customers before they had sold a dollar´s worth of product. It´s just about as inefficient as an economy gets.

So why am I going on and on about this? Nicaraguans just do not have bank accounts. It´s unheard of in most parts. What is going to make people think about next month, let alone next year, if they don´t even think about tomorrow? A little money comes in, a little money goes right back out. It´s that simple. It happens that fast. To get Nicas to think about their future, whether it be financially, or any other type of planning that would be beneficial to their lives, is to go against monumental institutional forces that are as firmly entrenched in this country as any volcano, laguna or waterfall. As I teach small business classes to the kids in high school, I´m supposed to stress two things; one, that the idea is far more important than money when starting a business, and two, that every facet of the business must be planned out to a T in order to succeed in a competitive environment. I get the feeling that these ideas rarely take hold with the students, and I´d imagine that their parents would be even less receptive, which is part and parcel of the problem.

The former country director in Uruguay told incoming volunteers that if they really, truly changed one mind then they should go home after two years satisfied with they job they had done. I don´t think he meant for them to find one person open to change and focus solely on that person, but rather, hope for the seemingly impossible, and plan for reality. Affecting the culture of a people comes about only with glacial changes in behaviour. And I don´t believe that 160 volunteers will turn a country of five million people on it´s head overnight, or even in two years. But you recognize the fight is worth fighting, and it´s not ever going to happen if not for the changes in a few people at a time. It´s the old snowball coming down the mountain that started as just a few flakes. I´m a long, long ways from certain what I´m doing here, and how it´s all going to come out in the wash. But I´ll start by making some good friends, building some confianza, and we´ll go from there. And no need for chips next Sunday, we decided to scrap the snacks in favor of some beans and rice.


NJW

Ok, there´s my first post. I´m sorry that it is completely void of funny links. It´s way different than anything posted up until now on this site, but if I want to make any sense I have to write about what I know. And right now it´s not Husker sports or arguments between cities or The Big Bopper, Mr. Belding. Enjoy.

Boulder Journalist Possibly on Crack

Boulder Daily Camera columnist Tom Woelk believes that the Colorado Buffalos did NOT back into the Big XII championship game. Well Tom, if getting crushed in your last two games and relying on an ISU kicker to miss a chipshot the next day isn't backing into the game, I'm not sure what is. As for his claim that the "corn folk" (way to cite the specifics) think Nebraska should be in the title game: that is absolutely insane. CU won the North and should be in the title game. I haven't heard anyone say otherwise. What this guy doesn' t get is that winning the title and backing into it are not mutually exclusive, you can do both. Us Husker fans are glad CU is going to San Antonio, we get to go to a better bowl and CU gets to be destroyed on national tv again. It's just too bad the game isn't in Boulder so the Colorado fans could display their famous sportsmanship and integrity.

Go 'Horns and GO BIG RED

JT

Thanks Lincoln Journal Star for the pic

An Ode to Mr. T

Recently a study at MIT concluded something we all have known for years, anything involving Mr. T is funny. How he went from the feared Clubber Lang in Rocky II to a comic mastermind I will never know, but he managed to pull it off. If you don't believe me then perhaps you should click on this link, and prepare to have your life changed forever.

JT






austinwvm.club.fr for the pics

You are not our rival, Colorado!

Colorado, you need to learn something. As our good friend, J.T. alluded to, Bill McCartney decided to focus all your hate and rivalry towards the Huskers.

This is not a rivalry game to us in Lincoln any more than Kansas State or Texas is. Maybe the air is too thin up in the Rockies to comprehend this. Certainly not enough oxygen is getting to the brain of people like Gary Barnett and his sexism, and his players with their affinity for sexual assault.

Here are examples of real rivalries:

Alabama and Auburn- These teams absolutely hate each other as evidenced by a Bama student stabbing 5 Auburn fans after last weekend's loss. Although this isn't what I would consider the makeup up a healthy rivalry, it makes sense. They are in-state rivals who reside less than three hours away from each other.

Ohio St. and Michigan- I'm assuming Ohio St. fans and Buffaloes fans have something in common from the stories I've heard out of Columbus, but this is a true rivalry. These schools care more about this game than any other. Perennially, this is the game that matters. I think John Cooper can attest to that.

Oklahoma and Nebraska- Yes, I am sorry to tell you that this is the team that is considered our rival. It has had the Game of the Century (in both the 20th and 21st centuries, thanks Mike Stuntz!) and a rich tradition. While OU fans are certainly less than exemplary with their behavior, there is a general respect between both schools that dates back for decades. Plus Oklahoma produces things that are good for our program.

I understand the fact that you want to be considered on the same plateau as the Huskers, but you are not. Sure, Colorado has been reasonably successful for the last twenty years and you even "won" a national championship b/c of a little unknown rule that a team can get an extra down sometimes, but we all know that was a fake share of a title and that Georgia Tech would have probably smoked you that year.

Now here's the reason why Colorado and Nebraska can't really be rivals. Colorado Buffalo football attendees are not real fans. Games rarely sell out, fans don't travel well to bowl games, and worst of all, the behavior is absolutely deplorable. I have been to two games out in Boulder and have been flipped off by a ten year old passing on a bus, yelled at and taunted by multiple fans, and had the car I was riding in beat on as we passed down a campus road, among other atrocities. Today the game had to be stopped multiple times b/c of students throwing things on the field (I notice they didn't throw stuff when the clock operator totally screwed Nebraska at the end of the half and the refs let it slide).

Nebraska fans pride ourself on treating opposing teams with respect. We clap for their efforts whether we win or lose as they head to the locker room and are generally hospitable to visitors and tailgaters. We have our share of drunken idiots who hurt the reputation, but it is no secret that Nebraska fans are known for their class. Colorado football patrons can't seem to understand what college football is all about.

It takes two teams to acknowledge a true rivalry. I'm sure CU fans will continue to try to force this rivalry by instigating dislike from us through acts of hatred and incivility, but it's time to learn that we do NOT consider you our main rival. Until the program and fans take the time to reverse their conduct I don't see that happening.

J.H. Naners

Seriously, Why are you Such Jerks Colorado?

I have been to Boulder, CO to watch several Colorado/Nebraska football games. I realized that Colorado fans are jerks at the tender age of 10. It was 1991 and the game ended in a 19-19 tie. It also ended with a bunch of ice snow balls being thrown at the Nebraska section, and at me. Keep in mind that Colorado football had never been good until 1990. Remember that Bill McCartney "decided" that Nebraska would be their rival in the '80s. So Colorado just decided to hate Nebraska for absolutely no reason. And this isn't just a simmering dislike. Cars have been towed and tires slashed on cars with Nebraska plates. The last time we went to Boulder people cursed us, threw things at us and shoved us after the game. This is a program that has never won a national title (see #3), had this guy as their coach, and when a female kicker accused palyers of sexual assault Gary Barnett responded like this. There are lots of reasons for Nebraska fans to dislike Colorado, but seriously guys, why do you hate us so much? According to you we are just a bunch of hicks anyway, so why are the irrational hatred? Well Colorado, you'd better beat us now, because starting next year, you guys are done. I will be just like the '70s and '80s again.

(CU fans, read through this for awhile)

JT

What happens in Vegas...goes on the blog!

Well as JT already mentioned, two members of the Awesome Inc. crew hit up Vegas this weekend for some food, fun, and festivalin' as in the Comedy Festival. The basis of the trip was to see quite a few comedy acts, but when Dane Cook and Dave Chappelle sold out sooner than expected, the trip turned into another generally great trip to Vegas with a couple shows thrown in. Here's a much-to-long recap of the weekend's festivities:

Thursday, 17th - I met JT and "The Man", JT's dad, at the airport as our flights arrived at the same time and the plan was to take the free Super 8 shuttle, but that hit a snag when the lady at the Super 8 forgot to tell me the shuttle was in the shop. She must have thought that "It's on its way" meant the same as "It's in the shop and not coming to get you." After a half hour of waiting, I called back and was told the truth about the shuttle and we grabbed a cab instead. Since it's so awesome, I'll give the Super 8 a pass on this mix up. It is the World's Largest Super 8 after all. After arriving at the hotel and regrouping, we headed across the parking lot to one of the greatest casinos known to man, Ellis Island. It's small, but packs a punch. It has $5 blackjack tables all the time and usually wide open, a decent sportsbook for those bets that need to be put in right away, and one of the best restaurants anywhere in terms of value. It's definitely not a place for high rollers, but it is perfect for Awesome Inc.
We had some time to kill before the Dave Attell/Lewis Black show at 10:30, so we decided to eat, lose some money at the blackjack tables, and walk around the Strip. A trip to the Spice Market Buffet was excellent yet again and highly recommended from us here at Awesome Inc. The Barbary Coast is another fantastic smaller casino, but on this day it beat down JT quickly and efficiently before he knew what hit him. We escaped to Caesar's Palace across the street and walked the new Forum Shops. I guess they didn't have enough shops at the Palace, so it was necessary to build a three-story extension that would make the Romans proud. This is where we saw the first of many celebrity sightings. While he's not the most famous face around, he was fresh in our minds since he had just been on The Colbert Report and that face was Greg Behrendt. He was just shopping in one of the new stores, so not the biggest sighting, but started off the weekend. The second sighting was a bit bigger: David Copperfield. I really don't care about his act or anything, but he is a pretty big name and was just standing outside the new Pussycat Dolls club in Caesar's as we strolled past. The evening was uneventful, but the time passed quickly enough for the big Attell/Black show. We had great seats in the fourth row of the ballroom turned comedy club and both comedians were excellent as usual. The show combined with hitting a big 3-team parlay made for an excellent Thursday all around.

Friday, 18th - Any time you can wake up, play a few hands of blackjack with Govind at Ellis Island, and then eat buffet at the new Mirage buffet Cravings you're having a damn fine start to the day! Little did we know that the finish to the day would be even better. After the delicious buffet, we headed over to the brand new Wynn hotel. It's a pretty impressive sight with crazy waterfalls outside and fancy decor inside, but does look very similar to the Bellagio in many respects. It's very nice, but I kind of expected more from a $2.7 billion hotel. Maybe the rooms are made out of gold and we didn't get to see that during the walkthrough. On the way back to the Super 8 we passed George Wallace doing a tv spot outside the Flamingo. Now this is a questionable celeb sighting since he has a show at the Flamingo year-round, but we're still counting it! After a quick nap to recharge the batteries, we headed to the Barbary Coast again to see what this whole "Big Elvis" phenomenon. Well it's a pretty simple concept: take a 600-pound man, dress him up like Elvis, plop him down on the stage, and have him sign Elvis' and other songs like Elvis. It's quite the show and you should check it out next time you're in Vegas! After witnessing some of the greatest singing done by a 600-pound man west of the Mississippi, we decided to head over to Caesar's and just hang out in one of their swanky bars for a drink or two. We decided on the Seahorse Bar which is pretty new and almost right across from the Pussycat Dolls club. That was the club used for VIP with the Comedy Festival, so it was in high demand this weekend with lines that snaked in and out of slot machines and barely moved the entire time we were there. It was a ridiculous site for sure. After drinking the first round of beverages we were thinking of other places to go, but I thought I spotted somebody familiar. It certainly looked like Thomas Lennon, yes THE Thomas Lennon, aka Lieutenant Dangle from Reno 911. I couldn't be sure since he wasn't wearing the short shorts, but after a couple walk-bys by JT and me we confirmed it was indeed the great man himself. He was just there with some friends that we slowly began to recognize as well. First it was "The Wiz" from Seinfeld, Toby Huss. (Only now did I learn his name after some research. We only knew him as The Wiz and the crazy guy on Reno 911 at the time) Then we realized the short guy with the pink jean coat was Bobcat Goldthwait. There were probably others there that are famous, but we couldn't recognize them. After an attempt at a picture with Dangle failed and he left, another celeb was spotted: Stephen Root. He is more commonly known as Milton from Office Space or the boss from NewsRadio and that was really fun to see him too. As all this was going on, JT, "The Man", and I kept celebrating with more drinks and it had been some time since we'd eaten, so I can safely say this was the closest I've ever been to being drunk and I can't think of a better reason than b/c I saw Dangle. After the excitement died down, we made our way back to Ellis for a late night $2.95 pancake breakfast (the first of three for myself over the weekend) and then headed to bed. The night wasn't completely over though because a certain infomercial was on tv that kept our attention. "The Chopper Show" is quite possibly the craziest 30 minutes on tv. Just watch the video and sit in awe. "What do you think about a nice and clean 13 G's?" "CHOP IT!!"

Saturday, 19th - Early to rise and early to lose money on college football. A rather uneventful day unless you consider losing money eventful. Lots of video blackjack and comped drinks at the Barbary Coast while watching football before the 8 pm show with Jon Stewart. The brand new arena at Caesar's hosted his show and he was hilarious. We weren't sure what kind of show he would do after hosting "The Daily Show" for so long, but he was excellent. After grabbing some post-show grub at Spago while watching the Reggie Bush show against Fresno State, we worked our way back through Caesar's and once again found some celebs. As mentioned already, Chris Rock blew right past us on the way to the Dave Chappelle show and then we saw Darin Erstad right after that. The odd part is we saw Erstad almost exactly one week earlier in Lincoln, NE after a Husker game at a bar. Going home we saw Jeffrey Ross doing a tv spot, so chalk up one more celeb spotting. Another eventful night without a doubt.

Sunday, 20th - Another day, another rough ride on the sports betting. As usual, the NFL dominated me, but still fun to be in Vegas betting on it. A couple more celeb spottings occurred with Christian Finnegan roaming the Barbary coast and Chris Cornell pushing a stroller at the Bellagio. JT and "The Man" headed back to the Good Life that afternoon, while I stayed behind for another day. After a much needed nap, I ventured out on the Strip to check things out. Didn't find anything other than a totally redone MGM Grand, but did return to another delicious pancake breakfast at Ellis and some more losses at the blackjack table.

So there you have it America, the Awesome Inc. trip to Vegas in a not-so-condensed recap. It was a ton of fun even with the gambling losses and may rank as the best of the seven trips so far. Will #8 top it? We'll find out in March as a huge contingent of Awesome Inc. and friends is making the trip for the first weekend of the Big Dance. If you're in Vegas during that weekend, stop by Ellis Island or the Barbary Coast, we'll probably be there.

BBL

Best Thanksgiving Line in Movie History

Anyone who knows me knows one thing. I LOVE SMOKEY AND THE BANDIT. It is one of the greatest films of all time and it features one of the greatest Thanksgiving lines of all times. When Bandit (Bo Darville) tries to convince Cletus "Snowman" that they should bring 400 cases of Coors from Texas to Big and Little Enos Burdette. I believe that the exact line goes like this,

CLETUS: Dontcha know that bootleggin' is illegal in Texas?
BANDIT: Well, who gives a turkey?

Yes, Bandit actually says, "Who gives a turkey?" People actually seriously said that in the seventies.

This only makes a lot of sense because I love turkey, ThanksGiving is probably my favorite holiday, I love to eat, which is weird since I keep a boyish figure. I think if I lived in the seventies I would just drive around in a truck all day, doing crystal meth and then stop at home for Thanksgiving. Anyway, thank you Smokey and the Bandit, for brightening up my life.

JT (RIP Sam, perhaps the handsomest naked dog in the world)

Awesome Inc's Brushes with Greatness

There are a lot of people who see celebrities and stand there in awe, not knowing what to say. Well, BBL and I just got back from Vegas and The Comedy Festival, and believe me, we migled with our share of stars. This list includes: Stephen Root (Milton from Office Space), The Wiz from Seinfeld, Bobcat Goldthwait, Jeffrey Ross, (I love you Jeffrey Ross) Chris Cornell, Christian Finnigan (of Best Week Ever) Darin Erstad, Casey Kotchman, and four others that I will let BBL describe. Although these celebs did not recognize us for our work on the Awsome Inc. website, they immediately were attracted to our magnetic personalities. At least I think that is why Chirs Rock brushed up against my shirtsleeve as he moved past me. The club where all the stars hung out at was too full for us, we just were too cool to go in. Anyway guys, next time we run into you, don't be shy, come up and say hi to us, we'll hang out.

JT

Husker/Longwood review

Well, the first half was a little nerve racking. Longwood was ahead by 3 with about four minutes left thanks to us being pretty bad on offense and this little guy draining two or three 28 footers to guide the Lancers to eight first half three pointers. However, the Huskers opened up a nine point half time lead and went on to push the ball much more in the second and open up a lead of over twenty points at one time and ending with an 80-65 win.

A couple observations:

-Longwood's coach was one of those coaches I hate b/c he whines after every call and is really vocal and seems to think that he's coaching Duke b/c he wanted most every call. This is somewhat ironic being as I guarantee I would be the exact same way if I was a coach. So I guess that means I'm annoying, too.

-This Husker team has a lot of young talent, but a long way to go as well. I didn't get the impression that this team is good enough to play with the big dogs in conference, but hopefully they have enought time to polish up a lot of shortcomings.

-Charles Richardson is working hard to pick up where Marcus Walker left off last year with attire on the bench. He went from wearing red pants and shoes in the exhibition game to a checkered type vest tonight.

Here's a little breakdown of every player that got some minutes for us tonight and my impression to what they will contribute this year:

Aleks Maric- Easily our most important player. He won't necessarily be our leading scorer but he is essential as our only legit inside presence. Since rebounding is supposed to be a strength this season, it is imperative that Maric stays out of foul trouble that he was prone to last year. If Soda is as good as advertised, this will be a top notch post duo.

Jason Dourisseau- One of the most dangerous players on the court....for both teams. JD would appear to be our best "playmaker" in terms of being able to drive the ball to the hoop, and I certainly don't doubt his effort. However, he's the kind of guy that scares you when he has the ball b/c he's just as likely to be out of control and commit mind-numbingly dumb turnovers.

Joe McCray- He's cocky, he appears to be lazy, and he's a little out of shape. Having said that, he's a necessity b/c of his ability to score points quickly.

Marcus Walker- Already taken over as my favorite Husker on the team, mostly b/c he looks like Eddie Griffin with a receding hairline. Besides that, he looks like a steady point guard that does what a point guard should do: bring the ball up the court and push the ball to distribute to others. He also has some shooting ability which is a plus.

Jamel White- He had flashes of brilliance and ineptitude tonight. Fortunately, the brilliance came in the second half. He made a lot of poor passing decisions and doesn't look to be as smooth of a ball handler as Walker, but he can shoot and made a sweet reverse layup in the second half. Very athletic.

B.J. Walker- This guy appears to be the definition of raw. He's stout and hustles, which are good attributes for a post player. He has some decent offensive moves, but I'm betting he gets most of his points from the free throw line or second chance putbacks. A rich man's Andy Markowski.

Bronsen Schliep- Schliep Diesel (TM) had our first dunk of the year and I think he's a very capable player. He's not going to blow anyone away, but he can jump and doesn't seem like the kind of guy that will hurt us. He can only help as a decent role player.

Marcus Perry- Only played ten minutes and did nothing to impress or agitate. Who knows. Haven't seen enough of him.

Wes Wilkinson- Got a few early fouls (shocking isn't it), but he is certainly more muscular than last year and was 5th in the Big 12 in blocks last year. Wes will do some things to piss you off, but as long as he's not counted on to be the mvp of the team, he should continue his improvement to be a very solid contributor.

Jim Ledsome- Didn't get a ton of action and I certainly don't think he'll be scoring many points, but appears to be valuable as a guy who can get some boards and provide a body down low if Maric gets into foul trouble.

Tony Wilbrand- Animal was brilliant as usual. If we see him play more than at the end of a big blowout win or loss, this team will not be going to the dance.

Kyle Marks- Didn't play a lot and barely noticed he was out on the floo.....holy shit, did you see that alley-oop dunk?!? I can see that the jump out of the gym rep he has is true. He hung in the air and threw it down with authority. Other than that, nothing, but it was the most explosive play of the night near the end of the game and was pretty awesome.

So there you have it. If I had to predict, I think we're still a year away from the dance. Hopefully it takes less than a year for this group to gel as a team and we can transition from a deplorable non-conference (for the most part) schedule into the Big 12. Although, it looks like several team in the league have a ways to go.

Lookout you Yale eggheads, we're coming for you tomorrow!

J.H. Naners

Picks O' the Week

The almighty pics have to come out early this week because a few of Awesome Inc.'s main cogs are going to be in a little place called Las Vegas. The picture above is from Rain at the Palms, to you and me it looks like five young ladies. To BBL, it's a typical Friday night.

If you were with us last week, you know how the Picks went. (We're the one on the bottom.)

Well it's time to rebound and dominate Week 11!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tampa @ -6 ATLANTA: Chris Simms had one good week, ATL got embarrassed, roll reversal.

Oakland @ -6 WASHINTON: I just don't like
the Raider's D, especially against a team that
just put up 35 against the Bucs.

Carolina @ +3 BEARS: Could be some sloppy
field conditions in CHI town, take the Bears and
the field goal.

Thanks to palms.com for the pic

Why Nebraska is #1!

If you didn't know already, Awesome Inc. is headquartered in Nebraska and for good reason: It's the Good Life! While we have branches outside of Chicago and in Nicaragua now, and future branches are always possible, the home base will always be Nebraska. For this reason, I felt it was necessary to explain why Nebraska's awesome despite many claims to the contrary. (Hell, some people in this country don't even know it exists!) So here we go:
1. Husker football - This is usually the first thing people think of if they even know what Nebraska is and it's understandable why they would. One of the most dominant programs in college football, the Huskers have garnered respect across the country and around the world.
2. Kool-Aid - Yeah that's right Kool-Aid! Invented in the Cornhusker State and it is good stuff. A great product with one the greatest mascots of all-time.
"Oh Yeah!" indeed.
3. Where's the Beef? - In Nebraska that's where! Definitely a state that is known for it's excellent meat with most people recognizing Omaha Steaks as probably the best steaks in the world. Take a trip to Misty's in Lincoln and get the prime rib. Thank me later.
4. College World Series - A 10-day event in June that takes over Omaha, especially if the home state Huskers make it there. RVs come from all over the country to stake out a spot around the stadium to tailgate for a whole week. Zesto's is a staple restaurant near Rosenblatt. It's grown so much that EA Sports is now making the first college baseball video game.
5. Henry Doorly Zoo - Right next to Rosenblatt is one of the greatest zoos in the world. The Henry Doorly Zoo is huge! They keep adding to it as well, so it's getting even better. And zoo's in general kick ass because you might see something like this:


6. Famous People - Yeah it's a small state population-wise, but a number of famous faces call Nebraska their birthplace. (Yeah most usually leave and live elsewhere, but that's there loss!) The likes of Johnny Carson, Warren Buffet, Fred Astair, Marlon Brando, Henry Fonda, Bob Gibson, and Malcolm X to name about half all were born in Nebraska. Gerald Ford was born in Omaha and he was such a great president he didn't even need to be elected!
7. Ogallala Aquifer - Water water everywhere! The world's largest underground aquifer is primarily under Nebraska, so take that everyone else! Nebraskans won't ever be thirsty.
8. 911 - Although rarely used in the idyllic, nearly crime-free paradise that is Nebraska, the 911 emergency system was invented in the state and first used in Lincoln. I believe the first call was either a cat stuck in a tree or trouble down at the old mill.
9. SAC - Without the Strategic Air Command, we'd all probably be speaking Russian right now. How can you read this when you're drinking this? But at least we could have looked awesome! SAC #1!
10. Unicameral baby! - The only state in the country to have just one house in the government and that's something special.
11. Arbor Day - We here at Awesome Inc. (except MP) love trees and we've got the designated day and city for trees on lockdown. Nebraska City is the home to everything Arbor Day-related, not to mention home to some of the best apple donuts around!
12. Haymarket Park - Back to sports for a minute and the new baseball stadium in Lincoln is one of the finest minor league parks in the country. The Huskers and Lincoln Saltdogs share the stadium, which has garnered awards from all around. It's a definite upgrade over the Buck, but we all still love that dump.
13. Strobe light - Another great invention by a native Nebraskan. Without the strobe light how would we get our rave on?
14. Chimney Rock/Oregon Trail - Although I've never personally seen it, Chimney Rock is the state's best known natural landmark. I have stopped and looked around near there though after fording the Big Blue River and on my way to Fort Cheyenne. The Oregon Trail goes right through the state as well and is the basis for one of the greatest games ever invented.
15. Sandhills - Out Chimney Rock way are the scenic Sandhills known for their cranes and sandy hills. Also, the best new golf course in the country is built in the area, so that's a plus.

Well that's a nice little summary of 15 different reasons why Nebraska kicks ass, but there are so many more. I'm sure my fellow Awesome Inc.-ers will add their two cents as well, but this gives everyone an idea as to why Nebraska is the Good Life!

BBL

'Tis the season

Well, we got our first snowfall in Lincoln today which got me thinking about what season is the best.

Winter of course has all the big holidays and football playoffs, basketball and hockey, but it also makes you freeze your balls off when you go to get your mail. It also makes it twice as hard to get somewhere driving b/c of the snow and ice. So obviously winter is not the best. And it gets dark at about 5:00.

Summer- Oh, those hot summer nights. Actually, once you get done with school summer becomes kind of annoying. I like playing softball and watching major league baseball and dominating fantasy baseball with my infinate sports wisdom. But, you sweat your balls off when you go to get your mail.

Spring- Hope springs eternal. And spring really is awesome. It's got the best part of the sports year with the NCAA Tourney and baseball starting. Who knows who might break a record any given year? Or who will get busted next year with the new stringent steroids policy? In fact, there isn't much to complain about spring except you might get your balls soaked with all the April showers when getting the mail.

Fall- Well we've come to our final season. Again when you are in school, fall kind of sucks b/c it means the start of a whole new year. Although some of us had the pleasure of going to an awesome school that enriched us and helped us grow into mature, intelligent individuals. So that was never an issue. Then you've the the baseball playoffs and the start of football where patrons go to see games dressed like this. Wow. Additionally, the weather is generally mild and pleasant (I realize winter doesn't really start until late December, but come on, nobody recognizes fall past maybe mid-november). The scenery is nice with the leaves turning all kinds of colors, and fantasy dominance is still realized with fantasy football.
Then there's a little thing called the beginning of bowling season. Sure the league only lasts 34 weeks, which probably spans three season in itself, but nothing like starting fresh. I love me some me is going to do big things in 05-06.

So, there you have it. Each season has its fine qualities, but fall takes the cake (plus my birthday is in fall). Looks like I have nine whole months until my balls can be unfettered while getting the mail.

J.H. Naners

THE Awesome Inc. has it's tentacles in everything!

Bye, Bye Bill Snyder

Breaking news: Bill Snyder (aka biggest bastard in the world) is retiring. All I can say is THANK GOD his last memory of his career against the Huskers was in heartbreaking losing fashion.

Also, memo to K-St. fans: Enjoy watching the upcoming Husker dominance of the Big 12 North (and believe me, it's coming) from your rightful place in the basement. Hope you've enjoyed your brief glimpse of success because it is officially OVER!

MP

It Will be Alright My Little Lamb

Sometimes in life you're sitting at a blackjack table with a great group of friends, let's call them Kelly, Zack, Lisa, Jesse, Screetch and A.C. Everyone is winning and making money, the world seems to be full of love and happiness. But then the dealers switch, and a new man is dealing the cards. Let's call him Govind. Well Govind starts giving out hands that are still pretty good. Then the unthinkable happens. Govind goes on a crazy streak, he starts drawing 5-card, yes 5-card 21's out of his ass! Next thing you know you're a block off the strip trying to beg for a dollar to get a hot dog and a copy of Word Up magazine. The next morning you wake up in a pool of Tangy
Guacamole.

Well Dennis Haskins, it's been a long road, we've grown up with you and we want to see you happy. So whenever you need anything, just give us a call and let us know. We'll never get addicted to pep pills, steal the other team's mascot, or try to make money of potato stocks. We're here for you Hasky, we've got your back.

JT

Thanks to collegehumor.com for the pic

I Want My MTV.....To Go Straight to Hell

This past week me and a few buddies were watching a game together and they wondered why I often changed to MTV during commercials. I pondered this for a while, it really doesn't make any sense. Then I came up with it. Over millions of years birds have learned when to fly south in the winter, they just do it. Well, when I was nine I started watching MTV. Yes it was the summer of "Once Bitten Twice Shy" by Whitesnake. Well it used to be nice to get home and listen to Guns, Tupac, Skid Row, Snoop, and some classic Bon Jovi (Lay Your Hands on Me anyone?) and just kick it. Well that instict is still genetically encoded within me somehow. Well I am determined to break this habit, why you ask? Because MTV sucks huge donkey balls. Take tomorrow for example. They will be playing music for nine hours, seven of those hours air before 9 AM. The rest of the day is dedicated to Laguna Beach, Making the Band 3, Homewreckers, Next, Made and Punk'd and Real World. All these shows are abominations. Not only do the shows suck, but according to my unscientific study, these fuckers play more commercials than anyone in the business.
Okay, let's say that MTV had to bow to the reality tv Gods to pander for rating, that's still no excuse to show each show five times a day. Take tonight for instance, Laguna Beach airs from 5pm to 9:30pm. I grant you those nubile girls are pretty hot, but that show is so badly written (and don't tell me it's not scripted) that it is absolutely unwatchable. Anyway, why run the show into the ground every single day? Spread it out MTV and play music instead.
The next thing that will earn God's eternal wrath is MTV's insistance on making their awards shows spawn unholy shows from the underworld. Spring Break Uncensored, Movie Awards Uncensored, Music Awards Uncensored, you know what? They aren't fucking uncensored because you still beep shit out! How much do artists pay you to tape the "Making the Video" anyway? The only thing more annoying than non-music shows on a channel that dubs itself music television is advertising that claims to be actual tv.
Here's the next thing that is damnation-worthy. Now I'm no moralist, but how can you market a channel to 12-year-olds and then have a show called "NEXT," "Have Sex with My Mom," or "Room Raiders?" I mean, there are 16 year olds looking for jizz on sheets, 15 year old lesbians dropping some of the worst lines, (We'll have to clean the bathroom, in our bikinis) and old worn out moms getting all excited and trying to win the chance for their daughter to get pounded by some douche that night. The worst part of it is that most of these girls aren't even good looking (they also degrade and objectify women, hell they degrade everything on God's green Earth).
The final thing I will speak on today is MTV's attempt to show music on a whole other channel, MTV2. "Nothing but music" was what they proclaimed. Well, taking a quick glance at tomorrow's schedule I see 12 hours of music. That's not all music, that's half music. In between that music we are subjected to the horrible torture that is the "Andy Milanakis Show," and "High School Stories." And don't give me the excuse that these are "music themed" shows, they are "crap themed" and that's all there is to it.
Gone are the days where I could turn to MTV and find a music video. I am making a pledge to myself, and I'll stick to it, not like that no drinking no drugs test in junior high, that I won't turn to MTV anymore. You have lost my trust Moonman, you are dead to me.

JT

RISE AGAINST THE SCOURGE THAT IS MTV!!!!!!!




Thanks pekingduck.org, mo-freek.com and BBC for pics.

Instant Review

An ugly day in the Pics o' the Week. Maybe the Broncos are for real this year, they dismantled the Raiders 31-17. The Redskins decided that they would make Chris Simms, yes, Chris Simms look like Gino Torreta while he was at Miami, instead of Gino Torreta while he was in the NFL. They lost 36-36 because of Jon Gruden's huge balls.

The great news is that America's team, the beloved Minnesota Vikings, broke their road jinx and their Giants jinx to win at New Jersey 24-21. So the G-Men's loss meant that the Pics o' the Week went a perfect 0-3. That means that the POTW is 5-5 on the year. Get ready to surge back over .500 next week!

Do you have Old White Guy Syndrome?

This recent article from Jack McCallum articulates something that I have been noticing for quite a while now--the completly unreasonable hatred for modern-day athletes, especially those in the NBA.

Surely, there are a number of legitimate assholes in the NBA. It's just that there are so many more good guys that are too often forgotten. Moreover, while players from past generations often get a pass for their indiscretions (I'm looking at you, Larry Bird), people seem to remember only the bad things Allen Iverson has done and refuse to aknowledge him as a player who plays as hard, day in and day out, as anyone in the NBA ever has.

Nowhere was this more evident than last summer during the Olympics. All the discussion centered around how all the NBA players "didn't care about their country," "were not interested in playing because they weren't being paid," ect.... Very rarely did you hear about how all of those guys gave up much of their offseason in order to represent their country, the fact that, while many of the foreign teams have been playing together for a long time, the NBA players had only about a month of preparation prior to the beginning of the games, or that the Olympic rules led to a completely different style of play than what is seen in the NBA.

Anyways, it's a great read by McCallum. Hopefully some people will take it to heart (yes, I'm talking to you, Bill Doleman, you worthless piece of crap).

MP

Pics o' the Week

Here we go!!!!

I have lost a little confidence in my lock of the year, Brad Johnson is less explosive than Daunte, but he's also more efficient. So I'll just call it the lock of the day.

Vikings @ -9.5 GIANTS: Vikes have lost seven straight to the G-Men. They are terrible on the road, and CB Fred Smoot is out. Count on a big NYG's win.

Denver @ +3 RAIDERS: Seems like we've seen this before from the Broncos. Their slide will start sometime, I think it will be today at Oakland.

WASHINGTON +1 @ Bucs: You know the golden rule, "Thou shalt always bet against Chris Simms, for he suckest so." He's 0-7 as a starter, make it 0-8.

Happy winning

Screw Omaha

We all know that Omaha sucks, but do we ever stop and think why Omaha sucks? Let's go down the list:
1. It's dirty. Walk around downtown Omaha, it looks like Iowa took a garbage crap and tossed it over the Missouri River.
2. They think they're huge sports fans. You guys do an okay job with the College World Series (Have fun parking) but everything else is terrible. A city of 500,000 people can only avg. 4,000 for a AAA baseball team? You build the Qwest Center too small to host anything awesome? You have three hockey teams and don't support any of them? Nice fans.
3. Their shameful two-faced cheering. Alright, cheer for Creighton basketball, that's fine and I can understand it, you're being from Omaha and all. You can even cheer against Nebraska in basketball, that's totally fine and within your rights. But DO NOT cheer against Nebraska in one sport and then come down to Lincoln for a football game and cheer for Nebraska's football team. It's a package deal, if you denigrate one sport at UNL, you denigrate them all, you can't pick and choose. Why don't you start your own football team up there at Creighton? Could it be because the Huskers beat you 128-0 in 1905? Creighton, just stick to your version of football. UNO fans, I have no qualms with you.
4. Enter Omaha at your own risk. 35 murders a year or so. We live in Nebraska and they average more murders than the national average. It's Nebraska!

Get over yourself Omaha. Lincoln got the Capitol, the University, and something I like to call "class." All you got was to live next to Iowa.

JT (If anyone wants to know what BBL looks like, here's a pic, he's on the right.

Remember that Show? "Silverhawks"

Silverhawks was made by the good people who brought us the more popular Thundercats. The show revolved around a group of people that wear silver outfits were determined to stop the evil ganster Mon Star. All I really remember is these guys in silver jump suits flying around space. Now that I look back on it, how the hell did these guys breath?Seriously it's in space. The head of the 'Hawks was named Quicksilver. He had a cowboy, yes they are in space, a cowboy buddy named "Bluegrass." Wow, no wonder the world is so screwed up today, we all grew up on this crap.

JT

Remember that Show? "Mr. Boogedy"

This was a Disney made for tv movie with Gomez from the Addams Family, Kristi Swanson, and David Faustino. It aired in 1986, and I remember it being a fairly important film for five-year olds at the time. Anyway this family moved to a town called Lucifer Falls, they bought a house from Devil May Care Realty and they own a Joke Shop, if this isn't the recipe for a classic film I don't know what is. Mr. Boogedy was this big green ghost who wanted this chick named Marion, but she didn't want him. His solution: get a goddam magic cloak of course!
Now there is some confusion over which Boogedy movie I remember, Mr. Boogedy or 1987's Bride of Boogedy. The 1987 version starred Eugene Levy. I think I must remember the 1987 version because that incarnation of Boogedy seems familiar to me. The movie aired on Sunday night on the Wonderful World of Disney, the second biggest show at that time to Wonder Years. I salute you Mr. Boogedy, because for some reason I still remember you.

JT (Me after we crush K St.)

Remember That Show? Bozo's Circus

This is how my morning started for about 10 years. Wake up, get dressed, malt-o-meal for breakfast, and Bozo's Circus on tv. Whenever you heard, "Bozo's Circus is on the Air!!" you knew you were in for a good time. Bozo and Cookie always managed to have a good time whether it was by goofing on each other, or watching some kids dance, or having animals run all over the stage. Let's be honest though, the show didn't really matter until it was Grand Prize Game Time. I think I only saw one kid throw a ping-pong ball into all 6 buckets, but that kid won a $100 bill that I'm sure has guaranteed him success today. The only other thing I remember about Bozo is the Grand March. Cookie always wanted to lead the Grand March, but Bozo always outsmarted him, (i.e. Tell me the score of the Cubs game before it starts. 0-0 of course). Bozo would blow his whistle and lead everyone out with his baton. Man, that was a great show.

JT (This kid never watched Bozo, that's why God makes him miss.)

Huskers vs. UNO Game #1

Huskers 70
UNO 65

Review: An ugly, ugly game from both teams. 20 turnovers a side, sloppy passing, terrible foul shooting and a quick "curb your enthusiam alert" to Husker fans. NU shot 39% from the field against an undersized Mavs team. NU pounded the Mavs on the boards 53-38, but were able to turn few of the 16 offensive rebounds they corralled into points. The Mavs got within one late with a wide open look at a three to take the lead, but it rimmed out.

What I Didn't Like: Freshman mistakes on numerous fastbreak opps. Marcus Walker made some nice passes, but a few times he was hampered by indecision. Hopefully that can be corrected. Wes Wilkinson: Wes, you've got to shoot the ball when you're open, and knock down those two throws with a minute left, you're a senior buddy, step up. BJ Walker, looked slow, went 1-10, but could be a bruiser and showed a few nice post moves. Team Defense, wow, I hope we never see that trapping defense ever again. What the whole point of that to leave UNO players wide open all over the court? Because mission accomplished if it was. JD's free throws, this horse rode out of town a long time ago. Would have liked to see Balham and Marks.

What I liked: Ummmm....not much. Rebounding was solid, Maric and JD were all over the glass. Maric, Walker, and Wes all took some good shots that will normally go down. Did a nice job breaking the press (Remember Iowa St. last year?) White looked smooth and Walker looked explosive, just didn't result in points.

Diagnosis: My friends assure me that it's not time to panic, but what I saw looks like it will take a long time to fix. Hopefully our cupcake schedule can get us some wins and experience. Perhaps a healthy Chuck III will mean a cut in the TO's and more fast break conversions. For now I will take a deep breath and try to forget about this one, but upper half Big XII teams don't beat D II teams by 5.

PS. A very nice effort by UNO, here's to the Mavs being the best team in Omaha.

JT (I know just how these guys feel)

#1 Comedy on TV

For eight years South Park has contributed the smartest, funniest, dirtiest and best comedy to television. The creators, Matt Stone and Trey Parker have not let the show slip at all, and in fact it just keeps getting better. The characters are all classics and the show itself spawned perhaps the greatest musicals of all time, take that Oklahoma! Whether the boys are scooping semen out of their dead teachers stomach, fighting world hunger, or having cripple fights the boys always manage to learn a lesson at the end. Check out Matt and Trey's films, Orgazmo, Cannibal! The Musical, Baseketball and Team American, they are all awesome. So here's to another great eight years of South Park, the best show on TV.

JT

STARTING TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!: The Top TV Shows From When I Was Little!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday Morning Accountability (Lesbian Cheerleaders!!!!)

Another winning Sunday for the Picks O' the Week!!!!!!!!!

First the bad news: San Diego could have punched it in from the 1 yd. line with 5 minutes left, but they decided to kick a field goal and eventually let the Jets score again. This LOSS was by a mere 1.5 points.

Now the good news: Philly's offense was anemic and Washington scored enough to provide insurance against a field goal. That's a big WIN 17-10.

I am telling you, automatic FREE MONEY when Chris Simms starts. Panthers blow out the Bucs 34-14. Get ready for my lock of the year next week. I will probably have to get wireless internet for the yacht I just bought with all my football winnings.

JT

When we're on the same page, I don't think there's any team out there can beat us." -Antoine Winfield, Minnesota Vikings

Awesome Inc. on campus

I was invited to attend the Iowa/Northwestern game this past Saturday and wanted to give all the Awesome Inc. readers a recap of how they do things over in Iowa City errr Evanston. (Side note: I was a bit torn about deciding not to listen to the Nebraska/Kansas game, but as it turns out I made the right call in avoiding that disaster of a game.)
I was invited by a buddy of mine who is an Iowa graduate and huge Hawkeye fan. We headed out at 6:30 am to get to the tailgating spot by 7 am, yes 7 am! Upon our arrival there are already about 10 cars in the parking lot, all of them Iowa fans. While it was a bit chilly, it wasn't too bad of a morning for November in Chicago. The beer started flowing early with the firing of the grill a couple hours later. One tailgate group already had the tunes blaring and were karaoking to such classics as the Super Bowl Shuffle and Strawberry Shortcake, so you know they had probably started drinking Friday night and just had not stopped. The theme songs to Greatest American Hero and Seinfeld were also heard, so it was an interesting morning to begin, but would only get crazier.
Now I knew a few people at the tailgate, but mostly was a stranger to the group. The only thing that probably let me fit in was wearing a yellow Iowa Alumni Association shirt I won at a golf outing earlier this summer. By 8 o'clock the whole lot was full and it was entirely Iowa fans. A combination of loads of Iowa grads in the Chicago area and plentiful tickets being available due to Northwestern's lack of football success led to Hawkeye fans pretty much taking over the area and the stadium.
Out of all the yellow-clad throng, one Iowa fan had my attention most of the morning. Andrew was his name and he was a friend of the people putting on the tailgate party. He was also one of the most drunk individuals I've ever seen in person. Mind you I've not been around a lot of drunks (and I missed J.H. Naner's shenanigans in KC in July), but this guy has to be in a class by himself. He showed up around 730 and within minutes had his bloody mary bar all set up. It would be the first and last time all day he knew what he was doing. He proceeded to down a few bloody mary's and begin stumbling about the tailgate the rest of the morning. He would say hi to girls he knew by more or less pinning them against a car and biting their neck. It wasn't rough, but it was creepy! The funniest thing was when he tried to make more bloody mary's later in the morning. He was fumbling with all sorts of bottles, pouring in way too much of everything, having half of it spill on the ground, transfering the drinks from container to container to container for some reason including almost empty olive and pickle jars, unknowingly dropping a cap into his drink and only after I pointed it out to him did he fish it out and drop it on the ground. It was just a huge mess after he got done. Oh and he also wanted to fight the 60-year old dad of the guy putting on the tailgate. Good Times!
After getting a ticket for 20 bucks from an Iowa fan with an extra, we headed to the game. Of the 35,000 at the game (Capacity is around 50,000), I'd have to say roughly half were Iowa fans. Ryan Field itself is kind of cool because it is so old, but it is missing a lot of extras that more successful football programs have in their stadiums like tv feeds at the concession stands and/or radio feed in the bathrooms. They have a video screen, but it's stuck in a corner where you can't see that and the field at the same time if you're on the visitor's side. It's a decent place, but no Memorial Stadium that's for sure. It was fairly loud when Iowa get up quickly and led at half 24-3. Northwestern put on a crazy comeback late in the fourth quarter though and scored two touchdowns in two minutes to pull out the 28-27 win. As a fairly unbiased observer it was a great game to see. The Hawkeye faithful were obviously disappointed, a feeling I would soon share when I learned of the Huskers fate.
All in all it was a cool game to see and it allowed me to avoid listening to the Huskers loss as described by the horrible Jim Rose (read the earlier blogs if you don't know what I'm talking about). Northwestern is not big time football despite being in the Big 10, but it is still a good time and was worth checking out now that I'm living in the area.

BBL

Picks O' The Week

Here are three more winners for your entertainment pleasure:

SAN DIEGO -6.5 @ Jets: It looks like the Chargers finally figured it out, no one can stop Antonio Gates. Mix in a heaping dose of LT and you've got yourself a team ready to challenge for the AFC title. The Jets and whoever they start at QB will lose by 10.

Philly @ WASHINGTON -3: Philly has too many distractions, too little TO and the 'Skins have too much motivation. Like the '9'ers last week Washington is coming off a blowout loss. NFL teams usually bounce back the next week. Look for it to all come crashing down on the one-dimensional Eagles.

CAROLINA PK @ Tampa Bay: Chris Simms is giving away free money as long as he is starting. This guy is not a good QB. The Panthers might only win by 1, but they will win.

There's the picks o' the week. Good Luck

JT "The Wizard"

The Tradition Continues!

All of us hear at Awesome, Inc. are big time Nebraska fans. Saturdays during the fall mean blackshirt defense, a soldout Memorial Stadium, and a sea of red.

The traditions continue. Every year you know the Huskers will be in a bowl game....oh, wait, no that streak of over 30 years ended last year with a 5-6 record.

Well, even when we're a little down, at least we can beat up on teams like Kansas which we have done 36 straight yea....oh, good lord, we just lost to them by 25 points today.

Fear not Husker fans. Despite a dark point the program's history, there is one thing you can count on every single Saturday when the Huskers take the field....the WORST play-by-play radio announcer football has ever seen. Jim freaking Rose.

This guy sucks. I mean you really need to listen to him do a game to appreciate his ineptitude. Here's a sampling of what makes him so unbearable from today's Kansas game:

1. Plays do not go for 2 or 3 yards according to Jim. No, everything is 2 and a half yards. The ball is always at the 33 1/2 yard line. Now some may say that I'm being picky b/c maybe Mr. Rose is a stickler for details. Well, guess what, that would be a stupid rebuttal. For Mr. Rose will say that a runner got 2 1/2 yards to bring up second down and 7 and yet, miraculously when the ball is set, it is second down and nine.

2. Rose gets really excited about 5 yard runs. It sounds to the listener that the Huskers are about to take it to the house judging by the excitement of Rose's voice. Did Taylor just hit Nunn for a touchdown? What's that? He got three yards to bring up 4th down? Oh.

3. When Rose gets excited about these routine plays something else happens. His voice becomes very, very high. All of a sudden you are no longer listening to a middle-aged dumbass, but a pre-pubescent boy excited about getting to go for ice cream.

4. He says really, really stupid things that he seems to think are funny or clever. A prime example is that the Kansas running game just jaunted through the large intestine of the Husker defense. What? That doesn't make sense.

5. He likes to repeat stupid crap nobody wants to hear multiple times during the game. For instance, I don't need to hear the color of the opponents' jersey, helment, pants, number, and NUMBER BORDER. It's grey? Who the hell cares? I also don't care that a team is going north to south more than once per quarter. Fortunately, if I did I'd get to be reminded about 16 times I guess.

6. He seems to feel the need to count down every single thing related to numbers like a kindergartener showing off for his teacher. "The clock is at 7:18, 7:17, 7:16. The play clock is at 6..5..4..3..2..1. The kickoff is returned to the 15, the 20, the 25, the 30, and he's down at the 31. Oh, well somehow the refs are marking him down at the 28. I'm not quite sure how they put the ball there."

7. DON'T TELL ME MARLON LUCKY JUST RAN BACK A KICKOFF FOR 98 YARDS AND GO INTO A STORY ABOUT HOW YOU PREDICTED WE'D RUN A KICKOFF BACK THIS YEAR THAT TAKES ABOUT 1 MINUTE AFTER THE PLAY AND THEN LET ME HEAR THE REF CALLING A BLOCK IN THE BACK AND HAVE YOU SAY "OH, I DIDN'T SEE THE FLAG."

I hate you, Jim Rose.

J.H. Naners

FIRE NEBRASKA ANNOUNCER JIM ROSE NOW

Nebraska got destroyed 40-15 by Kansas today, but the worst part of the game weren't the interceptions for TD's but having to listen to play-by-play announcer Jim Rose. How this guy got this job I will never ever know. He is preachy, pompous, and does nothing but deliver a muddled picture of what is happening on the field. Today he had a few gems:

• So it's just a gain of zip.
• High snap, but Kansas is blocking it. (On a punt)
• He drops back and there's shovel shot by Kansas.
• He's tackled at the ten rather nine, check it, the seven or six.
• KU's defense has been as good as advertised, NU's has not...(five minutes later) NU is only in this game because of their defense.
• We could use an atomic punt from Chief Thunderfoot.
• Not deep, but a high punt. (the punt went 54 yds with no return)
• (Upon going for two with 6:00 left in the third quarter down 17-15) It really doesn't matter much because if Nebraska kicks a field goal and doesn't give up any more Nebraska wins.
• Lucky is down at the seventeen. Make it the thirteen.
• Continually referring to Kansas as Big Blue. There are three, maybe four, big blues (Kentucky, Michigan, IBM and the New York Giants) Kansas wears bright red half the time.

I am ommiting the numerous slips of the tongue (That pass pattern was a long dong...down and out) because those mistakes could happen to anybody. But his mistakes are so egregious and his chatter so inane, that I had to turn off my radio to keep from going crazy.

(PS He also thought that the Giants signing of Barry Bonds in 1993 was a bad move. Result 542 HRs, 265 SBs, and singlehandedly carrying them to within a few innings of the 2002 World Series, but at least the Pirates were better off without him.)

JT

All aboard the moneymaking train!

I figured a few college football picks were in order for the weekend, so here we go...

Nebraska +1 @ Kansas - This might be a homer pick, but I just do not see Kansas scoring more than 10 points and I feel like the Husker offense is finally clicking enough to get to at least 14 even against the great KU defense.

USC -33.5 vs. Stanford - This is a huge spread, but USC is clicking on all cylinders after the scare in South Bend and finally getting some home games. Leinart, Bush, White and the rest should score at will against the Cardinal.

Wake Forest +7.5 @ Georgia Tech - I think this could be a shootout now that the Deacons have made a switch at the QB position. I think the Jackets probably win, but it'll be very close.

Minnesota -13.5 @ Indiana - Another road pick, but I'm pretty certain the Gophers will run all over the Hoosier defense on their way to an at least two-TD victory.

Bonus Big 12 picks (less confident on these, but let's give it a shot):
Texas Tech -15 vs. Texas A&M - Aggies D in for a world of hurt.

Texas -29 @ Baylor - Bears have hung tight with everyone this year. Not this game.

Kansas St. +8 @ Iowa St. - I hate picking the Wildcats, but I think this will be a tight one.

Missouri +11.5 @ Colorado - Tigers should rebound after that horocious effort last week vs. KU.

Bonus "I'll be in attendence so I should pick it" Game:
Iowa -3 @ Northwestern - I expect a shootout and for these teams to get the over 61, with the Hawkeyes winning a tight one. Wouldn't be surprised if this was a push pick.

BBL

#2 Comedy on TV

A month ago this show might not have made the list. But in the last four weeks The Office has skyrocketed to #2. Dwight Schrute is now the #2 funniest character on television. The Halloween episode when he dressed as a Sith lord from Star Wars was just brilliant. This is a quote from Dwight's blog, "In many ways, I am like the epiglotis. Small,unappreciated, not well thought of or respected, but POWERFUL. So powerful that without me you'd have food in your lungs." Classic stuff. The show is filled with awkward pauses and great characters. In many ways it is like the timeless Sealab 2021. Steve Carrell is the real catalyst of the show however. The former Daily Show correspondant is slowly taking over the world. Thank Heavens that NBC decided to not cancel this show, it's only going to keep getting better.

JT (BBL in 5 years)

We are all Pussies

I read a letter last night that my grandma sent home after seeing my grandpa for the first time after he returned from WWII. He had been shot in the shoulder and the bullet bounced up and went through his face. Yep, through his face. This happened in the Pacific after he replaced the long range gun guy who got killed, the machine gun guy who got killed and the medic who got killed: all in one battle! At the point of his return there were 18 survivors in his original group of 200. Now, if I hit my toe on a piece of furniture, I get pretty pissed off and it is all I can do to keep from going crazy on a normal day, and here Grandpa Gene is back from the war wishing he would have got killed instead of his friend Norm. To the guys in the army fighting, I salute you, thanks for doing a job I wouldn't be able to. Unfortunately I don't think bravery skips a generation like baldness.

JT

What the hell, Towers?

Well, it took less than a week after the 05 season for the Padres to try to make themselves worse in 2006. Brian Lawrence is no Jake Peavy, but he's adequate and Vinny Castilla is older than this guy. I had something a little different in mind for a right handed power hitter. Like somebody whose extremities work.

A word to the wise, BBL. Ryan Zimmerman may be good and all, but he's
certainly not the future. There's only one true future and he's about to
unleash a serious boost to the assist economy in a few weeks. Get better,
Treasury!

"I'm worthless," says the man on the right.

J.H. Naners

Lawrence crosses the Potomac!

Well the first move of the Hot Stove season for Major League Baseball has occurred and it's a doozy! It involves the favorite teams of two of the writers of this website, J.H. Naners and JT, so I'll let them chime in with their own takes, but here's an unbiased opinion. The Padres traded RHP Brian Lawrence to the Nationals for extremely veteran 3B Vinny Castilla. On the surface and after research, this trade favors the Nats and almost makes no sense for the Padres. While Lawrence is a decent pitcher with some upside, he's progressively gotten worse in his career even though he pitched in one of the best pitcher's parks in the majors, Petco Park. He gives the Nationals another arm in their rotation, but he's not the reason they made this trade. Getting rid of Castilla paves the way for phenom Ryan Zimmerman, the Nats' first round draft pick in June. So in essence, this trade is addition by subtraction for the Nationals.
The Padres on the other hand just seem to be replacing one old guy with another. I don't quite understand the reasoning unless they felt they could not get any other third baseman AND have absolutely nothing in the minors. My other thinking is that Kevin Towers, the Padres' GM in name only pretty much, is trying to get fired, so he can get severance pay and free himself up for the newly opened Red Sox job.
Time will tell if Vinny has anything left and actually does help the Padres, but it's pretty certain that the Nationals will be better after this deal. Kudos to Jim Bowden and Co. on freeing up the hot corner for the future.
BBL

#3 Comedy on TV

#3 has been a staple for any serious comedy viewer since 1996. It is Comedy Central's nightly news half-hour, The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. The show was an underground smash from the beginning. Craig Kilborn (above) formally of ESPN hosted the topical mock news show until 1998. He was surrounded by talented anchors like A. Whitney Brown, Brian Unger and Vance Degeneres. When I heard Jon Stewart was taking over the show I have to admit I was a little nervous. After all, his work in this and this (scroll to 4.13)did not particularly impress me. But the show has flown to unprecedented heights under Stewart. Anchors like Stephan Colbert, Ed Helms, and Steve Carrell have made the show a must watch.
I am also including a spin off in this ranking. The Colbert Report is brand new and is quickly rising up the list. I consider these shows to be a package deal because they use the same kind of humor. Great Humor. And right now Colbert's crusade against "souless" bears is probably the funniest segment on television. "You're On Notice Bears!"

A Moment for Us: Did you know The Daily Show beats Letterman and Leno in Canadian TV ratings?

JT

Since we're in a rankings mood

As a college student going on 7 years, I have spent a damn lot of time in coffee shops in and around Lincoln, NE. As more and more keep popping-up, I figured that it may be time to compile my personal rankings.

Keep in mind, any place without free wireless internet not only can go straight to hell but also shoots way down the list.

25,000. Starbucks-Wow, you really have to be off your rocker to even step foot in that hole. Not only do I despise the corporate feel of this place, but the coffee taste like pure crap. Mix-in the lack of free wireless internet (yes they charge for something that costs them $40.00/month), uncomfortable seating, small tables, and over-the-top employees and you have one shitty, shitty coffee shop.

9. Barnes & Noble-See Starbucks, above. Only marginally better because of the proximity to lots of books.

8. Cresent Moon-Come on, C-Moon, mix-in some wireless internet. Also, this place is tiny. Overall, not very good at all.

7. Scooter's-This is a brand new place at the corner of 11th & "O." On the negative side, it's got a bit of the corporate feel to it as it is a chain, albeight only in Omaha, Lincoln, and Council-tucky. On the positive side, however, they really do have excellent coffee. Free wireless internet as well is a definate plus. Overall, I like the place, but couldn't really spend a good deal of time studying there.

6. Vibe-This is a little-known place around 70th & Pioneers. Free internet, decent coffee. The major drawback is that it is pretty uncomfortable to sit there for long periods of time.

5. Wilderness Perk-This is a tiny little place way in south Lincoln. Very nice. Free internet, big tables, but only o.k. coffee. Also, I've been there for hours at a time all by myself which is a bit akward. Overall, good place to study, but not my favorite.

4. The Coffee House (downtown)-One of the oldest coffeeshops in town and comes in at a decent #4. I don't particularly like their coffee, so that is a pretty big drawback. The atmosphere is decent, but it is oftentimes just so frieking busy, it's tough to get stuff done. Only average IMO.

3. The Mill (48th & Prescott)-You simply can not beat the coffee of The Mill. Not only is it good for Lincoln, but some of the best I have ever tasted anywhere. Good place to study as well. The only real drawback is that is gets hotter than holy hell in there due to a lack of quality A/C. Lets get that fixed!!!!

2. Meadowlark-This is a new place that just opened in May at 17th & South. Excellent coffee (and fair trade as well), HUGE tables, free internet that always works, and really nice people working there all the time. Also, the fact that it is right next door to Open Harvest (dried fruit #1!!!) is a MAJOR plus. Really nothing wrong with this place at all. It's also open until midnight which is damn awesome!

1. The Mill (Haymarket)-This place has it all. The reason why it stands above the rest, however, is the atmosphere. I literally could sit there for 5 or 6 hours no problem.

I know I didn't include every place around town, so feel free to chime in if you want.

MP

#4 Best Comedy on TV

To pass over great shows like Reno 911, Desparate Housewives (seriously it's funny and it has this) and the entire Adult Swim lineup I had to go to one of the upset specials of the year. That's right, the most unintentionally hilarious, grotesque, and downright upsetting show of the year, MTV's "My Super Sweet Sixteen." Not only are the girls on this show nubile and scantily clad, they are also the biggest bitches every put on the face of God's green earth. Their incessent whining about getting a BMW instead of a VW makes me want to kill myself and yet I can't stop laughing. Then there are the guys, especially a young gentleman named 'Hart.' This is an actual quote from MTV's site, "As time passes, Hart begins to wonder where are all the guests. To pass the time, Hart challenges his friend to see who could drink more caffeinated energy drinks. After winning the contest on an empty stomach, Hart begins to feel nauseous. Finally a large group of his friends arrive and Hart begins to feel better."

I grant you that there is no chance that this show will be on the 2006 List of top five tv comedies, but as of today, it is the fourth funniest show on television.

If "Sweet Sixteen" would not have pulled the upset, then Cheap Seats would have come in at #4. Keep up the good work Sklar Bros.!!!

JT (I'm thinking about you Cookie, Rest In Peace)